Mullan to finally have a bath

A swimming pool in Glasgow whose closure led to violent clashes with old firm fans is to be reopened by professional tramp Peter Mullan on the condition he finally has a bath.

Glasgow City Council closed Govanhill Baths in March 2001 saying cleanliness was no longer attractive to Glaswegians.

Junkies occupied the historic building but were removed that August.

On Saturday, Mr Mullan will launch the first phase of a four-year plan to fully scrub himself.

The campaign to save the building has been led by the Govanhill Baths Community Trust.

Community cleanliness

Trust Member Tam Shanks said bathing would help regenerate the area and play an important role in boosting community cleanliness.

“We’re converting the auld steamie into a games room complete with a dart board that can be used by the local community and also rented out for events.”

Mr Shanks said the Trust was also aiming to have a 3-bar electric heater within the building back in use.

Mullan hopes other high profile down-and-outs will follow suit naming Rab C Nesbit, Fran Healy of Travis and artist Alisdair Gray as possible contenders.

Quantitive Teasing

The new Euro bank-note isn’t worth the blog it’s published on…
Masterminded by Blethering Pish act of treason by Power to the Pencil.

Santa’s Chat Sack


One for all you disillusioned Santas out there.

Christmas with Gordon

Anyone else failing to get into the festive spirit this year? worry not, help is at hand from TV’s foul mouthed chef Gordon Ramsay who launches his new book, it’s got everything you need to know about getting to grips with your bird this year. Gordon gets a new one every year. I on the other hand have been with the same woman for 12 years now… now that’s dedication!

Double Dopple Dappy Gaga

Admittedly I’ve had an inkling for a while and for anyone that knows me, the likelihood of a celebrity posing as two or more different celebrities is precisely the sort of thing that keeps me up at night. After a shift that would have had Sherlock Holmes choking on his crack pipe, it would appear I’ve made an earth-shattering discovery.

Dappy, the brains behind N Dubz appears to be living a double life. Under that ridiculous hat lies the confused tiny mind of none other than Lady Gaga. It is clear from the photos above that they are the same person.

The revelation is particularly convenient for me as I can now direct all of my hate for the two celebrities at one person. Result!