Festive Digestive - 30/12/05
So this is christmas and what have we learned? Rick Astley is back, that's what, he surely isnae gonna give us up after all. Any guid cracker jokes anyone? no. Was Santa good to you? Santa isnae real. Is the world a more peaceful place? get tae f*ck. Turkey and beer will kill this man and right now I am tired. We got back from Glasgow yesterday from Hamper's gig at Nice n Sleazy's. I wish I could say that we played out of our skins, I think we were good but it was a long and tiring day for us, we turned up for the sound check to find no drum kit and no guitar amps! after a mad panic, a few phone calls and quite a bit of running around Glasgow city centre, we managed to russle up the appropriate gear and put on some sort of show, the support: youtakethebiggerhalf were a really decent couple o' guys givin it large with an acoustic and glockenspiel set, Nine Circles were on next, they were f*cking magic! moral of the story: don't take f*ck all for granted, ever.

Chrimbo in Netherton Gardens looks like [this]. Kelty: global warming is a state of mind. Happy Christmas!

XMAS HAMPER - 14/12/05
Listen out for HAMPER's Louise on VIP Radio on Monday from 2.30pm onwards. Also, It's still To Be Confirmed but it looks like HAMPER will be headlining at Nice 'n' Sleazy's, Glasgow on 28th December. Check [here] for confirmation on that yin!

Grrnnht! - 12/12/05
If like me, you like to think that we as a race, are advancing, getting "better", improving, learning and growing evermore conscious of the natural world around us, living sympathetically to it's and our own needs. We'll we're f*ckin no! A modern world my arse, strange how we complain that it has taken the U.S. so long to agree to measures to combat climate change when [this] happens, some tadger commented that it "looked apocalyptic" - you're no wrong mate! and you know why? cos this should be the f*ckin end. Lets have a wee look at our cousins, down under while we're at it, what is it wi' [that] place!? it's stuck in the 19-f*ckin-80's. An advanced state of arse - welcome aboard!

So Post-Cool - 06/12/05
I watched the Turner Prize coverage on Channel 4 last night, it served as a timely reminder of what I despise about modern art and the art crowd. Even the Turner prize, which I believe was once regarded as a launch-pad for some of the world's promising artists should be dumped, what does it mean!? who the f*ck judges it and what the f*ck is the criteria? no-one knows, it's all secret, strategic and commercial bullsh*t. Jim Lambie's work was the best there [there's even a work of his up here in Aberdeen's Art Gallery] it has attitude, he has attitude and he sticks two fingers up to the stale conceptual wilderness that has been the art world for the last 10 years. In the end, conceptual [wank] wins, the work albeit quite clever, has f*ck all new to say.

Roll Up, Roll up - 06/12/05
If you would like a copy of HAMPER's demo CD you can either contact me directly or bid on [one] that's going for a song on ebay.

On the Buses - 05/12/05
This man is clearly a terrorist - As for "I have to sleep at the end of the bed so it doesn't get stuck to the headboard." - a bit too much information perhaps.

Defied - 01/12/05
Good news on the Aberdeen bypass - a decision was reached today and they have decided not to cut through Camphill Estate. It restores my faith in the system or atleast, that the system can occasionaly be defied without extreme measures - Nichol Stephen MSP was on the radio earlier praising the result, this twat was one of the folk originally in favour of the Camphill Route. The stencil "Sheep in Shepherd's Clothing" [downloadable, below] was conceived with him in mind, after he towel-flicked his way into the Scottish Lib Dem leadership. Still, bigger and/or more roads is nowt much to celebrate, the new route will only piss other people off and f*ck up miles of previously unspoiled countryside, not much to celebrate but atleast the good work that goes on at Camphill will not be directly hampered [no hamper plug intended].

Snotter - 30/11/05
take a look at [this] guy on the Bulldug website, I was innocently checking out the Bulldug service [as I'm thinking on finally going broadband at home] when I stumbled across this image of broadband utopia - here's a guy, his gorgeous kept-wife in sexy lingerie, out for the count [who's probably exhausted following an extended sex session] leaving him to surf porn on the interweb at high speeds. He's checking to make sure she's asleep, then goes in for that colossal bogey that's been bothering him since he got in from work. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!!!? what's he gonnae do with it once it's out anyway?... I'm shocked... and seriously considering going with another BB provider on that alone.

Mogwai, last night, were incredible - the new stuff is a full-on sonic assault, my girl's ears are still ringing from it, if you've ever seen [or heard, as the case may be] Mogwai play live, you will know just how f*ckin loud they are. The gig was in aid of Refugee Awareness and after Jack McConnell's clear avoidance of the issue of dawn-raids continuing in Scotland - that man is a lethargic, useless, slug - as SSP's Rosie Kane put it, lets "keep on kicking their f*cking arses!"

Burrow Deeper - 25/11/05
HAMPER will play the Tunnels, Aberdeen on 7th December, if you're in the neck of the woods please come along and support us!! the other bands are ESKIMO BLONDE and ALL MY LOGIC. Also, from the 19th, listen out for Hamper's Mark and Louise on VIP Radio with tunes and chats about the band.

Tunnelin - 25/11/05
Happy F-F-Friday y'all... thank f*ck ay!? I'm still feeling a little giddy this morning after a tremendous evening of live music... we were at the tunnels, Aberdeen - a great music venue by the way, one of my favourites in this toon. We saw the Reno Amps, King Creosote and Arab Strap - the music just got better as the night went on, I really cannae tell ye how much I liked KC tho... one chap with guitar and one o' his mates joinin him as he played accordian and sang, fantastic voice! a real low-key folky sound. Man! it made me yearn for a fish supper [with the obligatory bottle of ginger] from the award-winning chippy in the toon he's from: Anstruther. it's mental too I remember KC from "The Old Bank" - a boozer I used to work in. Him and a large crew of his musical mates would come in, once a fortnight, they'd jam and swally till the wee hours - it was a great environment to "work" in.
Other News: Apparently, they will be hanging glitter in Vietnam this year.
Links: this one's for lovers of filth and illustration, in equal measures.

VIP RADIO - 18/11/05
Listen out online for tracks from Hamper's Demo on VIP Radio today. We'll hopefully be doing a wee live slot and havin a bit of a chat soon too, will keep ye posted!

Quartermass - 15/11/05
lots of quality tunes and nice lo-fi flash work [here]

Horror - 14/11/05
Watched a tape of [this] movie at the weekend, it's without a doubt the sickest, most twisted movie I've ever seen and believe me I've watched a few! what is it with the Japanese and elaborate methods of torture? I would compare it's lasting psychological effect to the consequences of listening to Christmas Steps by Mogwai for the first time, after having smoked about 3 spliffs to yourself in a locked and completely darkened room. Don't get me wrong, that tune is a masterpiece, but the way it lulls you into a false sense of security then attacks your nerves completely out of the blue and will not stop until one motherf*cker of a monster has had it's way with you, would be enough to unhinge the strongest of minds, under the influence of a paranoia inducing substance. With all of that in mind, it comes highly recommended.

talking of illegal substances, check [this] fun map of the geographical origins of Narcotics.

Baskets Rock! - 10/11/05
the amazing HAMPER's website has been updated.

Climate change - 07/11/05
now officially the fifth horseman of the apocalypse.

Sick seats - 07/11/05
need a few days off work in bed? need a stinker of a cold that'll take a good few days to clear? then, take the Bus! that's right, the cramped conditions of the humble british autobus is the ideal environment to pick up any old "bug" that's "going around", with your co-travellers sneezing and coughing in a confined area and with the complete absence of air conditioning you're guaranteed to catch something and all for the price of a bus ticket. I've caught something, I am feeling sh*tty, I blame the bus.

Wallace & Gromit - 07/11/05
An absolute gem of a movie, all the clever touches you'd expect from thon Nick Park with a mysterious story and exceptionally cute rabbits. Go See it! check the beautiful Aardman site out too.

Big Issue - 04/11/05
I just heard back after a recent application I made for a job with the Big Issue [Ha, ha that's designing and illustrating for them not sellin' em, honest] I was called for an interview [apparently 160+ folks applied, they interviewed 6]. I just received their 'we regret to inform you' letter, it's pretty disappointing I've got to admit - I wasn't expecting to be offered the job but to work for 'em would have made a lot of sense - a job for a worthwhile organisation, with its feet firmly on the ground, fighting for social justice. I wasn't all that nervous before the interview but I had a 3 quarter-of-an-hour wait in their waiting "area" beforehand, due to the fact they were running "a little" late, this certainly didnae help, as I felt I got a bit tongue-tied during the grilling, I clearly didnae walk the walk or talk the talk enough for them - I'm no gonnae make excuses, that would just be sour grapes, I've no idea what I was up against, to be 1 of 6 out of 160 should be great encouragement but when you genuinely believe that there is more to our existence than the penis, profits and self interest and feel you may have a talent you're itching to use in a constructive way, it's pretty gutting to be told there will be no changes to your monotone existence. back to the letterheads and qrtr page ads then... C*nt!

Blunkett - 02/11/05
I could do his job with my eyes closed.

3 at once - 02/11/05
I've been keeping my een peeled for good bands comin' our way for a while now and low and behold, late November will bring 3! Arab Strap here in Aberdeen, the Coral [tickets - a birthday pressie for the Mrs] 4 days later in Glasgow, then Mogwai the following night, again in Glasgow. Sweet! Mogwai are possibly my most favourite live band, I first saw them play at T in the park in 1998, it was the closest I've come to having an earth moving experience that could be misinterpreted as "religious"

November - 01/11/05
Mental! it's November, awready.

aaAAGGHH! - 27/10/05
[here]'s your beautifully illustrated, highly informative guide to pestilence spreading through Europe like wild fire. It's good to know the BBC are investing our licence fees wisely in the skills of the countries best flash developers. When you're keeping track of bird flu, only the best will doodle do!

Power to the Stencil - 27/10/05
Roll up, Roll up! get yer free Power to the [Pencil] Stencils right here, that's right kids; if you are into stencilz and would like to download a selection of mildly amusing and/or highly offensive stencil images for sweet f*ck all, click on the stencil 'hing' at the very bottom of the page, man! I feel so generous, wait till Anthea Turner hears about this one.

Whipping Boy - 17/10/05
In the morning I am a recluse, lost in memories, ideal situations and convulsions... I just caught word of some fantastic news: possibly my most favourite band "Whipping Boy" are to get it back together. Whipping Boy were/are an infinitely talented Irish band who were destined for greatness but were dumped by their record company after disappointing sales figures. I remember their album being released, not one decent music mag gave it less than full marks, but depth and genuine quality don't count for much in the age of the consumer. If you aint familair with 'em, check oot the MP3 link [here]. cheers to Gnollinz for the tip-off [an equally as chuffed man following the news]

Demo - 17/10/05
The demo is done! 2 mp3's are available for your listening pleasure - check below. If you're that way inclined I can send you all four. What we've achieved in only 3 weekends is tremendous! and with a bit of luck Hamper will be gigging in Aberdeen - mid December, will keep yez posted!

Endorphines - 13/10/05
t'was a great [game] to watch; Scotland v Slovenia so it was. 3 great goals. Darren Fletcher surely is the playmaker, as is Paul Hartley, who I've always said was brilliant. It was interesting to hear Gordon Smith after the game commenting about England playing much better without Beckham, I would say exactly same of Scotland and Barry Ferguson, I really can't see what people see in him, he is f*ckin rubbish. If ever a country needed an endorphine release after Saturday, it was Scotland and it came in fine style, pity we started the competition so poorly. It's a shame we willnae be going to Germany and I don't mean cos we'd expect to do brilliantly unlike [some] people but us Scots are party people and Germany '06 will be a sadder place without the Tartan Army who'd be there for just the party.

See the new [ipod] has a video playing facility!? f*ck sake! they seem to bring out a new pod every month. I'm not rushing out to buy yin, the screen is tiny! I'll hold out for the widescreen version. I did manage, eventually to get a battery for my generation 3 ipod, it took 7 weeks for it to arrive. As compensation for the wait, the monkeys at Battech upgraded my order to a new longer-lasting battery and guess what... it last longer, about an hour longer than the original, so that'll be 4 hours of continous play now then?

A [site] I done for my girly friend's best friend's mum has just gone live.

that's about it, Lame I know but I'm doon in Glasgow at the weekend for more Hamper action, 6 track demo comin' real soon!

Quiz - 11/10/05
If God sent George Bush to War, why did he use the WMD excuse? what has Tony Blair got to say about Bush's true motivation? and why aren't other people asking these questions?

Here we Go - 10/10/05
" I would not settle for getting knocked out in the last four,"
" The aim is certainly to get as far as the semi-finals - but it would not stop there." - Michael Owen. They've just scraped through and already they're talking about winning the world cup. The arrogance of the English football crowd, knows no bounds.

Command C - 04/10/05
The new Quark Xpress logo bears a striking resemblance to the Scottish Arts Council logo, wouldn't you say?
I also saw yesterday's Daily Record has tried to expose fellow-fifer-of-the-fly variety: Vetriano as a fly-fraudster, alleging he's made a mint out of plagiarising a drawing manual. Well fair dues but ask yersel' what's worse - the fact that he may have copied 'em or the fact that the print-buying public has made him a very, very wealthy man by buying supposedly copied work?

Pro Euro - 03/10/05
According to the BBC's Euro test I am Mr Chiantishire which means I'm a Euro enthusiast who likes all things european from going on holiday to sun dried tomatoes and good red wine. Oy Kilroy-Silk: get it up ye! Find oot how you stand on europe [here]

Stamp it out - 03/10/05
I've been asked by a fashionable accomplice in London to fire her a few T-shirt designs as part of an experiment to see just how "free" freedom of expression really is. no she's not Vivienne Westwood but she'll be biting VW's heals sometime soon. You never know, pictures of said T's may pop-up in the news, of course as soon as I hear/see anyfink you'll be the first to know.
On a related note the Aquarium gallery in London are doing a fine [and rough] line in stamps - check these out!

October - 01/10/05
Aw naw it's October, aw ready!

Facial Fuzz - 30/09/05
As a purveyor of facial furniture, news of the World Beard Championships [here] caught my attention, it kicks off tomorrow in Berlin, of course, what I can muster is not a patch on these guys, it would have been handy to pick up a few tips though. Good news for us beardy Brit's too, the competition takes place in Brighton in 2007 - that should give me plenty of time to get something decent together. See yez there.

there's also sportage of facial fuzzery in [this] movie of epic proportions. Written by the clean-shaven Nick Cave of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, funnily enough.

Spin on this - 27/09/05
I went and saw thon new Guy Ritchie film Revolver at the weekend - I don't know what all the fuss is about, it's not that bad! it's actually OK, sure it's nowhere near as good as Lock, Stock but it's certainly not worth the lambastin' it's getting from the critics. I would say however that it's a tad too long, a good few of the scenes are unnecessary and too long winded. I think what Ritchie is thinking is that he needs to make his 'Apocalypse Now' and prove that he's not all cockney rhymin and cheesy, this is quite a good effort but it aint there. It's dark, psychological stuff in stark contrast to previous works but I have no idea what I'm meant to have worked out at the end - is the main guy a schizo? yes, is the answer, and are the 2 guys that were his prison chess buddies and have now abducted him and robbing him of every dime he's made - are they a figment of his imagination? in a Beautiful-Mind-meets-Fight-Club stylee?...erm, yes, I think so, or hang on no... f*ck knows!!

Food for the soul - 19/09/05
Hamper were together again at the weekend, this time in Glasgow. We caught up, rehearsed and recorded the basis for 2 new tunes. That's 5 we've done since July so. There'll be a bit o' mixing and a couple o' geetar bittys to rerecord but we'll soon have a solid demo. It's one step at a time, it's not easy with all of us living in different cities but we're all determined to make this work. When we're jammin and when it's all going right - in that moment, there's nothing better than that feeling, it's creativity in it's purist form, free from ego, 4 different paths to one ideal that no one has complete control of, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

New Land Rovers - 16/09/05
Obese cars for obese people.

Immense - 14/09/05
I got back on Monday from a legendary week on the west coast of Scotland. Ardnamurchan to be precise and even that's not all that precise, it's a vast, wild place that's not easy to get to, the drive is not for the fainthearted. My bro and his wife-to-be were over from their base in Alberta, Canada to be married on Sanna Bay, I was one o' the best men, my other bro was the other. My girlyfriend and I were responsible for the wedding pics. The official pics will soon be up [here] in the meantime [here] are a few candid shots from the whole week. the weather was changeable but mainly dry, it was ideal for the big day, I saw some of the most gorgeous sunsets I've ever seen, saw the stars like never before and have seen countless birds of prey, I know I've seen atleast one golden eagle, dunno what the rest were but they were big.

I discovered another one of my favourite Scottish boozers! this time in Kingussie of all places - it's called the Tipsy Laird, we liked it so much we stopped again on the way back for bites, I also met a few guys from a great scot's comedy show that used to be on telly called Absolutely starring Jack Doherty and the dude that plays the chef in Meet the magoons - apparently they are all from Kingussie and get together once a year for a scran and piss up - Quality! I just happened to be there when they were havin this year's. I got chattin to one o' them at the bar, was thinking on asking him for a tenner, since he's a celeb an' aw. If he was to tell me to bugger off, on my way out I'd remind him that he owes me £10.

Other favourite Scottish boozers
Old Black Friars - Aberdeen
The Station Hotel - Stonehaven
The Trades House - Dundee [I worked there for a while]
The Twa Tams - Perth
The Dreel - Anstruther
The Club - Kelty

Sort the Heid - 02/09/05
That's me on holiday now, off to Ardnamurchan for my Bro's wedding, making a week out of it. The last couple of weeks have been really tough at work, I've been knocking my pan in, picked up a bout of gastroenteritis for my troubles an' aw. next week will be the first real rest I've had in a while, so I'll be expecting to pick up the flu now or something. Ardna's a magic place, it's remote as f*ck, not to get aw Runrig about it but 'there's you, the land' and f*ck all else, you get a reminder of just how insignificant you really are, I like that. My head will be getting sorted oot and when I get back, it'll be about time to tear this motherf*cker down.

ken websichts aye? ken how sum o' thum hae bits where ye kin chooose tae read thum in diffirint languages an' that? well the scoattish parliment websicht has a 'Scots' version of their sicht, naw honestly, nae shite min! check this oot

Holed Up - 22/08/05
Work has taken over my life and will continue to rule it until 2nd September 2005 so dinnae expect to see many updates. I did notice in today's news that Courtney Love and Steve Coogan are to have a baby, the race is on for the first joke to be told about it with some reference to Hole.

Auld Dear - 16/08/05
Today is my mum's birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOIRA! Nae 'son's in boxes' on this occasion but a time to celebrate all the same.

Gut Watch - 15/08/05
Today's lunch consisted mainly of a Foo Go ([here's] a link to their website, sadly there web design is nowhere near as good as their packaging design] chicken salad sandwich, I usually make my own sarnies but after eventually getting only 3 hours kip last night I was in no mood to be making up my lunch this morning. Foo Go sarnies are usually pretty good but today's chicken was of a particularly low standard, I'm getting a bit worried that they might be taking after KFC despite all their 'well bred birds' patter on their boxes. They must have used the off-cuts for this one, the consistency was alarmingly chewy and at times, crunchy, something tells me that cold chicken meat shouldn't be crunchy. Since 'chowing down' I feel as if someone has punched me right in the guts, I'll hold on to the box and receipt should they decide to do a runner altogether, my guts that is. Be sure to keep visiting Power to the Pencil for updates on this enthralling story as it develops.

I rented thon Closer movie yesterday evening, starring Jude Law, Clive Owen, Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman. It's actually a brilliant film about relationships, betrayal and what have ye. I always new Jude Law was a great actor but he is superb in this as is Clive Owen who reminds me quite a bit of my big bro, who will be 30 in less than three weeks, that's right: 30! he's also getting married a week later, did I already tell you that? Oh, I didn't? well he's gonnae be 30 and he's getting married a week later. Only one criticism about the film; there's way too much Damien Rice for one sitting, something like the 'strap would have been more appropriate.

Sad F*ck - 12/08/05
If watching characters in computer games "gettin' it on" is your thing, you can watch what all the fuss [here] is about [here]

Ruin from Above - 11/08/05
This evening I made a rather startling discovery; you know that film Black Rain - the one wi' Michael Douglas in it, he goes to Japan, to 'escort' back some criminal, his partner [played by Andy Garcia] gets his heed chapped aff? Well, the term 'Black Rain' is actually a horrifyingly fitting title for a film that deals with American - Japanese relations. [I taped a documentary about the Atomic Bomb from the weekend and watched it tonight] After the Americans dropped the Atomic bomb on Hiroshima in 1945, fire ravished the city and any survivors near the hypocentre were left like zombies, in shock and desperate with dehydration. It started to rain, the rain fell from clouds made up of the dust and matter sucked up by the colossal mushroom cloud. The rain that fell was thick and black in colour, like syrup, survivors were so desperate that they opened up their mouths and drank in the black fluid, unaware that it was viciously radioactive and would result in them developing radioactive sickness, which claimed hundreds of thousands more lives, days after the explosion, than the explosion itself. So there ye go: Black Rain, an American production, made in Japan.

Garbage! - 10/08/05
An increase in the price of oil is a poor excuse for transport companies to hike up their fares, their fares are not based on covering their costs, they are based on making a massive profit. When oil prices DECREASE why don't fares do the same? it's only ever up, up, up. Everything associated with the black stuff is tainted with greed and exploitation and I don't mean Guinness. 13th comment down, unlucky for some but Not! for you.

Wagon - 09/08/05
That's me officially 'oan the wagon' till 3rd of September [which happens to be my big bro's 30th birthday and the beginning of his wedding week. It will be a celebration of epic proportions] So no booze whatsoever for almost 1 month, which is already proving more difficult than I thought, I had to fight temptation twice yesterday, my train was 30 minutes late so rather than the usual pint/s in the Station Hotel, I sat at the [train] station and read my book, which incidentally is the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, it's a wise tale so it is. I went round to see my special lady, later she offered me a drop of Marsala - she'd been making Tiramisu last week, you see. I declined at first but thought that maybe I could have just a wee sip, stupidly after telling her about me supposedly abstaining, she promptly withdrew the offer and made me feel rather guilty as I was so quick to throw it all away. It's certainly no gonnae be easy especially if like me, you have a drink problem; two hands and only one mouth.

In Defence - 09/08/05
New 'hing' below - of self defence. The result of some 'fling and swing' fun I had at the weekend. It was the song Cement Names [a portion of which I've used] that was the inspiration. I bought the album Liars Exit by Bikini Atoll a few weeks ago, I'd describe it as [Smog] goes post-rock it's too magic to be tragic, check it oot and check oot the 'hing' an' aw.

Bad Apples - 08/08/05
This weekend saw both my ipod die and a hinge on my powerbook sheer off revealing connecting wires in the lid/screen bit, making closing and reopening the lid very tricky. F*ckin great! in a month I can't afford to be spending any money I'm looking at replacing both my pod and casing for the laptop - the built-in obselence of these things is staggering - sure, Apple products are beautifully designed but hard wearing they are not. Apple also want in excess of 100 quid to replace the battery, fortunately I found [these] guys who supply the batteries for a measly 10 squids - you do have to fit it yersel, fortunately there's a step-by-step guide [here]. It will void any warranty I have but conveniently, this has happened outside the standard 1 year Apple warranty, b*stards! It bugs the sh*t out of me - all of this frivolous technology, once you start using it you have to keep up with it and that usually means spending sh*t loads of cash. Yer MP3 player can hold yer photies, can take yer photies, so can phones from which you can also send emails, go online, Blackberries can do all of the above and more, it's constantly evolving, improving, adapting to your lifestyle and dictating it at the same time and yet it has a short lifetime. Convenience wins over quality, a [sign] of the times.

Depp Stick - 01/08/05
I wasnae impressed with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it certainly gets the twisted Tim Burton treatment but I still think the original or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is better [even though Charlie and his grandad are miles more irritating] and still more sinister, the worst thing about the recent adaption is Jonny Depp. I have the utmost respect for the Deppster but he is widden in this! this might sound stupid but you can tell he's acting, he doesnae seem comfortable at all due to the fact that the man has no charisma - something Gene Wilder was oozing with. Anyway, it's bloated, it's clumbsy, unforgivably cheesey and Depp is rubbish but it's still worth seeing just for the squirrel scene, that's right! sguirrels baby! thousands of them, this isn't some kind of metaphor - this is REAL!

Defenders - 28/07/05
How ironic it was this morning to see two armed police officers [one of whom was younger than me] at the train station, standing on the platform opposite the doors of the train I was boarding, I got a good look at their 'kit' and made eye contact - the policewoman smiled back at me, like everything was perfectly normal. Bullet's with a smile baby, defenders of freedom armed to the teeth - thank f*ck I'm not Brazillian, that's all I can say. I heard a really sick joke yesterday about beauty salons in the centre of London going out of business cos the Metropolitan Police force are doing Brazillians for f*ck all, but I'd never think of publishing something so tasteless on this site, ever.

Talking o' defenders - do Celtic have any? I watched them playing last night which proved to be an utterly miserable performance from a team made up of supposedly exceptional individuals, it's going to be a long season for Gordo.

Get Green - 27/07/05
The Hamper site has been updated, there's a new demo an' all - from our whirlwind recording session last month. Get into it!

Too Wee To Care - 26/07/05
Is it just me or is the tagline "the best small country in the world" for Scotland is the place just a tad on the arrogant side? surely Ireland, Wales, Denmark, Belgium [to name a few other "small" countries] would have something to say about that? Surely, "the best WEE country in the world" would have been better, since "wee" is a Scot's word and we can use it exclusively to describe ourselves in any context - no one could argue with the fact that like our language, we're different like everyone else, not 'better' than everyone else - all it takes is a bit of consideration, ay? mind you this is the same place that proudly boasts Glasgow as "Scotland with Style" - we're really making ourselves out as the smug c*nts of Europe. Anyway, it seems Scotland is lacking in talent and it's population is diminishing so the Scotland is the Place scheme makes us c*nts that have no choice being here feel really appreciated ay??

Teamin - 25/07/05
Very rarely do I see a film that makes me 'laugh out loud' - I don't know why that is, it may be that like my taste in music, my sense of humour is getting more obscure or, that very little of the waash that is deemed profitable by Hollywood fails to muster more than the occasional reactional giggle, as in these challenging times there's not much to laugh about. Thankfully, that's not the case as Team America is a welcome reminder that American's can do 'irony' and do have the ability to take the piss out of themselves. Totally Hilarious! I chortled long and hard at this one, it's over the top, obesely ignorant and utterly perverted - now that's what I'm talking about.

Save Yourself - 22/07/05
Big fat pig fat cats creaming off the milk, faceless, soulless entities of dishonour and filth, sure as hell are tigers in their own minds. the sickliest of slick salesmen scrambling for the scraps, we depend on parasites of parasites - oil rig like leeches, helicopter mosquitos, networks of roads interconnecting, are arteries from a height. the oil capital of Europe indeed. If these suicide bombers had any sense of symbolism they'd bomb Aberdeen. What am I saying? there's panic on the streets of London. Say what you like, we are at war! this is our new warfare, I can't get Orwell out of my head when I see big brother Tony on a big screen saying 'calm down, there's nothing to worry about, just go back to work, go about your business as normal'. Innocent people are paying the price for decisions he has made in the past, it's awright for him ay? couped up in his safe house which is guarded 24 hours a day. aaaaaaaaaggggghhhh !

Cheerie Bye - 20/07/05
Wishing Stevie and Hazel AW THE BEST! on their once in a lifetime journey around planet earth. I admit I am envious of them, I'd like tae 'get tae f*ck' some day an' all. I was down in kelty for their leaving 'do', it surely was a rip-roaring time [here] are some photos from my camera.

Albums to buy this week: Alpine Static by Kinski. It sounds magic!

Film Buft - 13/07/05
watched Family Man with Nicholas Cage last night, he tried the 'pop corn' trick on me, dirty b*stard! Naw but seriously, he's in it and it's one of the cheesiest films I've ever had the misfortune to watch. I also watched Finding Neverland at the weekend which is actually quite good - Jonny Depp is miles better at being Scottish than Mel Gibson as is Liam Neeson who is tremendous in Rob Roy, which I watched again last week. Brain Cox, John Hurt and Tim Roth also put in Stellar performances. Dog Day Afternoon was also on last week, I got almost all the way to the end afore I fell asleep, I blame the volume of Stella Artois I was steadily consuming throughout the day, I'm f*cked if I know what happens in the end tho.

Unispired - 12/07/05
is it possible to have the same idea as someone and come to the same conclusion independently? the answer is yes! there is nothing that hasn't already been done. Who the f*ck are you? who the f*ck am I? and what the f*ck is it all about?

Scorchio - 11/07/05
I dunno about where you are but since thursday last week it has been absolutely boilin' here in Aberdeen. I am aw sunburt tae f*ck, I look as if I've been away to the Algarve or some other British tourist hell-hole but oh no! I've been here, in and around Bonnie Scotland and thank f*ck I've been on holiday - Braw!

Oot o' ra Blue - 11/07/05
Well, that was a week to end all weeks. I was well and truly 'on holiday', I didn't leave the country but I was reminding myself good and proper what life is all about: Escapism in every form, an escape from the grey mediocrity that is 'modern' life, I tell ye, more than ever after reading the latest edition of Adbusters Magazine I want to take off with my girl, run off into the hills and go about sustaining our existence as naturally and as harmoniously as humanly possible, of course you would have to pay some c*nt for the privilege, so much for freedom! - you can sort of understand why some people might want to see an end to western society but perhaps not the methods they use.

So the inevitable comes to London and I don't mean the olympics, [which, by the way is just another shameless stage for elitism] it certainly was a reminder that we cannae take anything for granted anymore, we are well and truly at war, it's capitalism versus everything: community, freedom, independent thought, creativity, nature, truth, death. Is there a McDonald's in Fallujah yet? so London gets bombed, it''s horrible, horrible sh*t but even my own mother is suspicious about the motivation of 'the bombers'. Atleast 3 separate groups have claimed responsibility for it. so you're left thinking who really did do it?. Consider this not-so-amazing stretch of the imagination; if the British government had arranged for such bombings themselves, and depending on the degree of the 'success' of such actions, the likelihood is there would be one or more groups out there wanting to take the credit, conveniently blowing away any conspiracy theory. Look at this way: You are hosting a meeting with 7 other leaders of the world's richest countries and you and Bush are the biggest outcasts amongst the group, you've just pipped [one of your oldest allies] France, to the post to hosting the 2012 olympics, so tensions are higher than ever, your hopes of agreeing anything are slim, nevermind even being comfortable in the company of each other. A stupendously timely reminder [in the form of the bombs in London] that all us westerners, indiscriminately, are at war with terror. it would certainly go a long way to bring the group together and keep everyone's mind on the "real issues" wouldn't you agree?

Wee Kaff - 01/07/05
As from 5pm today I am off work for a week, thank f*ck! "Oh! your going on holiday? well who's going to do this? who's going to do that?" "F*ck you! you'll have to do it now, before you're off!" - Holidays man, are the really worth the hassle? you have to work double as hard before you're off then double as hard when you get back". "Refreshing break!?" - that's a f*cking joke. Did I tell you that everybody's b*stard?

Indeed, one week off, It'll be a musical journey that's for sure - It's down to Dalguise, then Kelty, then Edinburgh and I'm up for a Gleneagles visit too, planning on receiving 'bed and breakfast' courtesy of Perth & Kinross Constabulary. Back up North and a wee camping trip Fettercairn way if the weather's good, that'll be that f*cked then... Man! I need a break.

Prepare to Fail - 29/06/05
Second o' the demo's below, please have a listen and let me know what you think - again, a better quality MP3 is available on request. Cheers...

Stencilistik - 27/06/05
Had yet another brazilliant weekend! checked out Gray's degree show - there was some good stuff there, there was also a lot of pish - I always leave degree shows thinking more of the Fine Art stuff rather than the design stuff. with Art there's no commercial slant to bugger the whole thing up, it's pure communication. My favourite stuff was by [this] man, you can't see it from this webpage but he had these enormous stencils, that appear to be for the purpose of spraying through (in a Banksy stylee for example, if you're not familiar with Banksy's work then you should be, go [here] and get familiar) but they aren't, the stencils themselves are the 'Art', I really took to this as being a man who used to screen print like there was no tomorrow and being stencilistik, I appreciate the effort that goes into creating a stencil and yet it's what you produce by printing/spraying through this that is considered the 'work of art' but these aren't even about getting to this stage, a stencil can produce thousands of images but this is about the original, the template, it's a beautiful thing. the 'stencils' are cut out of backing board too - you know, the cheap recycled stuff that lines big packaging boxes, well, it's a nice lo-fi grey/brown colour - and with this cut out, against a white wall - is a simple but elegant thing. I hope the guy does well, he's fae Dunfermline too so, more power to the Fifers! and their stencils ...!

We caught a wee bit of the coverage of Andy Murray's game on Saturday - he was doing pretty well when we left for the cinema, it wasn't till Sunday that I heard he had been humped good and proper, ah well! there's always next year - I'll hold out for a Murray v Henman final [Scotland v England] that's if the Daily Mail doesn't drive Henman to alcoholism and debauchery not seen since Georgey Best's day.

We saw a twisted mafioso movie Les Conseguenze Dell Amore about this dude, forced to live in a Hotel, a soulless entity, one boring f*cker but it turns out he leads another very different life - This is dark! it also has a blinding soundtrack - suitably morbid instrumentalism from the likes of Mogwai, Boards of Canada etc. Check it oot! [that] - is the official website but there's f*ck all on it! - Italians! ay?

Sunday was an altogether more chilled out day and just what I've been needing, we went to Fettercairn and walked up the river there, it was beautiful, sun was shining, the river is cool - I would imagine it would be great for canoeing in, I was tempted to 'ave a dip, but I have a fear of ingesting my testicles [due to cold water] and not being able to get them back out... erm, I'll leave it there then.

Bat(e)man - 24/06/05
All I can say is that Batman Begins is brilliant, go see it! Christian Bale is the best Batman, without a shadow of a doubt. I did feel a bit taken-advantage-of at the end tho... they've left it wide open for a sequel.

Loser - 24/06/05
I'm sorry but what is meant by Andy Murray dethroning Tim Henman? [?] when was Henman ever king? Henman is a f*cking loser and a sore one that.

Hampered - 21/06/05
The love has returned! I hope you had a good weekend, mine's was a belter! I was in Dundee for a hamper reunion. Hamper was a band I was in at Art school, we've decided to get it back together and give it another go, whatever 'it' may be. I am still on such a high from it all. The schedule was tight; Louise, our singer flew in from Ireland on Friday night, I met everyone on the Saturday after a "cosy" megabus journey down, Mark just got back from a week in Montreal and was a bit jet lagged but to be honest, he didn't seem any different than usual. Dundee happens to be where we got it together, without being all wanky, it is our spiritual home - I personally love the place, it smacks the oil-stained arse of Aberdeen, any day of the week. It also happens to be where Pete [our bassist] lives, who also happens to be an audio artisté and has access to loads of top sound gear. We jammed [acoustically] in Pete's flat then went down to Stage2000 practice rooms and amped it up! the aim was to get a few tunes together for the purpose of a demo. We hot tubbed it that night courtesy of Louise's ex-landlady, who wasn't there - cheers hen! it was all unfolding beautifully and spontaneously in true Hamper style. We attempted recording on the Sunday but after an hour's worth [within a 2 hour recording slot] of setting my laptop up with some multi-track recording freeware [that Pete amazingly managed to get a hold of] we had only enough time to rattle through a couple o' versions of Melancholy - my personal hamper favourite and Green - a new tune. The discs are currently with Pete who will mix it down into something playable. The plan over the next few months is for Mark, Pete and myself to get down some backing from the best of our old stuff and some new tunes - this we'll send to our singer who is based in Gallway, Ireland at present, who will grace the tune with her vocals and acoustic. From which we hope to get some gigging - That's the plan anyway. Relax! you'll be among the first to know about any developments - watch [this] space for details [check back later, I just bought the domain and the homepage won't be accessible till later tonight]. Yee Haw! sha hoorz ye!

Excellent Driver - 14/06/05
I started reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time last night. It is quite literally 'Mental!' a story told by an Autistic boy. Autism is in the news a lot these days, it seems journalists, might actually be doing what they're meant to be doing, by bringing real issues in to the public conscience [I don't want to know f*ck all about Michael freak-of-human-nature Jackson OK!?]. I heard thon Director/Actor [and socialist] Peter Mullan on Radio last week talking about his son, he reckons his son's condition was induced by toxins pre-birth, it makes a lot of sense when you read about it. Yip! industry will f*ck the human race and the planet, it will f*ck it up so much that one day there will be no need for industry, when only Autists will walk the earth, telling each other how many steps they've taken that morning, what prime numbers are and that they're excellent drivers. My special lady works with Autisic children and they are a handful, she comes home with bruises all the time, [this] was the latest - you can even see the teeth marks. I always feel the need to explain this to folk when she has visible yins incase they think I'm battering her. I saw a fragile wee 50[ish] year auld wifey on the train last week, she had a keicher of a black eye, man! it looked totally sore. I assumed straight away that her hubby who [I'm assuming] was sitting next to her might like to "show her who's boss" fae time to time. Bang! out of order. Anyway, as I said these were assumptions, she might have had a 'slip', walked in to a door or she might even work with Autistic kids... who knows

84599 - 13/06/05
when does a deal become a 'scoop' deal? what the f*ck makes a team, a 'crack' team? and when is a match a 'crunch' match?, It's Monday the 13th and surin' there are some real questions that need answering.

Play Piece - 12/06/05
the first of the demo's below. It's taken quite a bit of courage to be putting my music on the interweb, I guess I'm quite shy about my music writing and performing unless it's backed up with some visuals but this is the first of a few tunes I'll be running passed you via this site. I have about 6 tunes in total that are in a semi recorded state, the most difficult thing is finding time to record them but mostly getting the vocals right, I hate the sound of my own voice, it's always the part that holds up the recording process, I'll rerecord it time and time again until it's right and even then it's far from great. I've just got to the point where if it doesn't sound totally pish then it'll do. In the words of David Bowie, "the worst joke god can play is to make you an artist, but only a mediocre artist" So there it is, your thoughts on the tune are appreciated. Be gentle! This plays through a flash file so the sound quality isn't amazing, if you'd like a full quality mp3 then drop me a line and I'll email you one.

'mon the Scots - 08/06/05
So it's Scotland Vs Belarus tonight, 'mon the boys! I'll be roond the local givin it plenty "GIT INTAE THUM!" it's got to be a victory for the Scots but ye never ken wi the Scots that's the hing tho. The 'Big' news from the 'camp' is that Barry Ferguson is uncertain to play thanks to a masturbation induced injury. I really don't see what folk see in him, he's not as good as he's cracked up to be. What he is, is dirty! the hun's one hackin' b*stard, that might be just what we need to get through these games. I'll be hoping for a repeat of McFadden's impeccable finishing - I don't know why the pikey isnae starting games, he is the best striker Scotland have had in over a decade, a veritable goal machine, why can't others see that?

I aint no Coldplay fan, some people reckon they are middle-of-the-road, I don't disagree but they are less m-o-r than U2. Anyway, Radio 1 are playing the arse off their new album [X & Y] and a recent live recording, I couldnae believe my ears when they played a new song called "Fix You" it's almost as if Chris Martin has done a quick 'copy and paste' of the melody from Where is My mind? by the Pixies, like I said I couldn't believe my ears, I couldn't believe they were my eyes and I was right.

Revenge of the Cash Register - 01/06/05
Last night I went and saw Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, it was alright. Definitely the best of the pre-three movies. This being the most significant, the bridge, the missing link. The first half of the film is fast paced and unlike the previous 2 it's exciting. Mr McGregor is his usual wooden self, Yoda should be up for an oscar. Queen Amidala is gorgeous and it's only a matter of time before Anakin inevitably succumbs to the dark side becoming the dark lord himself. Despite the fact I knew it has to happen, I was hoping he widnae do it. I think they could have made more of a thing about but his inner struggle, he seems to be very easily persuaded, pledging full allegiance to the ugliest man in the universe, in the hope of saving his secret wife from death [according to a premonition] whilst she gives birth.

I made it until about halfway through before it struck me that I had been snared in the lucrative Lucas trap and was being right royaly rammed. George had me over a barrel, well and truly giving me one while simultaneously swiping my switch card up and down between his buttocks, I am part of a generation that's been easy prey for what are otherwise mediocre sci-fi movies, we grew up with Star Wars, I remember 2 toys from my childhood: Lego and Star Wars. We are familiar with these characters and intrigued by the prospect of actually being old enough to see a Star Wars film in the cinema, but it's not as good as it should be, your intellect comes into play and f*cks the whole thing up, the child has grown up, the dream is dead and Mr postman isnae deliverin.

It's funny that the release of this movie times it perfectly for the entire 6 to come out on DVD in time for christmas 2005 or is that just a coincidence?. Forget what you think Star Wars is all about, it's not about good over evil, buddhism over capitalism, socialism over imperialism, democracy over republicism or any of that wonderful bollocks, it's about 1 thing and 1 thing only: filling George Lucas' rancid, semen-stained wallet. In the end the greedy dark side wins and your powers are too weak to do anything about it.

Live 8 - 01/06/05
I think it's magic! all of it. It is the right idea and I will look into the logistics of going and rallying it up in the capital but the cynical part of me doubts it will have any impact, over 2 million people rallied in Hyde Park against war on Iraq and ol' Tony won't budge an inch on that one. While we're protesting, partying and playing songs of freedom, the leaders of the world's richest countries will be living it up pig-style a few miles away, blissfully oblivious. B*stards!

Belter - 30/05/05
I've really got to start looking after myself. We went out for a slap up curry on Friday, with Euan and Carrie, to my favourite indian restaurant [jitc], I went for a Madras, I love spicy food but this was something else, I lost count of how many Cobras I drank, the waiter stopped asking me if I wanted another pint after a while and just handed me a full one when I finished one, mopping my brow with naan bread the whole time. The effects the next day were a little anti-social to say the least, Euan tried to convince me that [like him] I have a thyroid problem, every complaint I had was a consequence of this and that I should go and get it checked out, according to him.

We had a blinding party there on Saturday! everyone we invited came [apart from Euan and carrie who poofed oot]. Check the photos [here] which contain a suprisingly high amount of girl-on-girl pictures - you have been warned.

Did anyone see the Daily Record's report on the triple murder in Glasgow? - horific stuff! the article had explicit pictures from the crime scene [god knows how they're allowed to publish this sort of thing] with blood spattered everywhere and 'weapons' on the coffee table. I thought it was interesting how one of the pictures [here] clearly shows 2 empty bottles of Buckfast. Isn't that stuff well known for making one a little psychotic? [I speak from experience] My big bro affectionately refers to Bucky as a "bottle of violence" anymore than 1 is a sure-fire world of pain - tears, violence, psychotic thoughts you got it! the nectar for any swing-park punch up. Surely the detectives didn't overlook that tiny detail? it might not be how much they drank, it's what they drank that's to blame.

Wot Wan Coo Can Do - 23/05/05
Link time: Have ye ever thought what one coo could do for a community? well go [here] and find oot. There's some great if-Escher-illustrated-Tolkein never-ending flash fun [here].

I saw Tarnation at the weekend. It's an ultra-low budget movie made from clips recorded over the years, edited on an iMac for a measly 218 dollar, that's about 120 of our sterling quid. The story [which is a sequence of video diary-type clips and therefore totally true] is a memoir of a guy, [Jonathan Caouette]'s life which is a deeply, deeply moving story of growing up in Texas with his mentally ill mum [who's condition it appears might have been brought on from years of electric shock treatments administered by her parents!!] and eventually moving to live in New York. Go see it! [there is always Star Wars if that's not your bag]. It also has an absolutely blinding soundtrack, including quite a few numbers by a group called Low, who I will now check out in finer detail.

The Bailiff thing was a joke by the way, almost as heart-stoppingly funny as the joke that is the council tax. I am not in any major debt, I did make the mistake of opting for further education and have student loan debts, thankfully I don't earn enough to qualify for paying them off yet.

The new Oasis single is marginally better than Craig Mclachlan's remdition of Mona ie utter pish! I bought Mesmerize by System of a Down - I aint no death-metal hed banger but I have heard nothing but great reviews about this, I am into expanding my mind when it comes to music and not keeping to a formula that works, more often than not I have discovered great, great bands after taking 'risks' with random album purchases. After listening to it a few times I'd compare them to the Mars Volta but heavier and less wanky, their tunes are experimental and yet tighter than the tightest of duck's butts, so far there are about 4 tunes that stick out and do funny things to those funny hairs on the back of my neck and those that have recently appeared on my palms, which is exactly the effect I was hoping for, it's also heavily anti-war/Bush, nuff said!

On the musical note [boom boom!] I've been asked by Jonas to contribute artwork and a tune [!] to a cd compelation in aid of save-camphill, it will feature an eclectic mix of tunes from musicians, local and otherwise including an irish-reggae group called Paddy Rasta. As power to the pencil fans you will be among the first to receive any more info on this when I hear about it. Watch out for the tune I'll be putting forward [with vid] appearing on this site very soon! the opening chords are played on the fateful gunplugged vid below. Boom shankaa!

Glory Hole - 13/05/05
wooohoooo! what a day, it's glorious here in Aiberdonia, beautiful blue skies, happy wee birdies singin in the bushes, ants in the grass contentedly busting their backsides for no reward. I take it all back about the morbid granite sucking the will to live oot o' ye, One way or another I will be eating barbecued food this weekend, jalepenos, beer and sunshine - a recipe for... well, an early night, nothing can spoil this moment, no one can take this from me now. Hang on... what's this that's just dropped through my letter box? Aberdeen City Council Sheriff Officer's letter? the words Legal Action in bold type? my name? this address? two previous addresses? £3785? credit agencies? reposession? recovery? bailifs? awww f*ck this! and f*ck this town!

27th Birthday - 10/05/05
Happy Birthday to me, squashed tomatoes and stew, I look like a monkey and smell like one too. Hip Hip... Hooray!! Hip Hip... Hooray!! Hip Hip... Hooray!! for I'm a jolly good fellow, I'm a jolly good fellow, for I'm a jolly good fellow... erm etc.

Days of Plenty - 09/05/05
I aint no comic book nut but sin city certainly looks good, it's a pity Bruce Willis has to be in it, oh well it's either him of Vin Diesel I suppose.
I went and saw the Edukators yesterday, I appreciate the anti-capitalist sentiment and liked their creative methods of 'educating' rich folk but found it all a bit patronising, I had to make an effort not to let it bother me. Blinding Soundtrack tho!

2 Cheeks, Same Arse - 06/05/05
I don't know what's scarier; Tony Blair snatching a third term in office or the Conservatives gaining a bigger share of the vote. To quote again the late, great Bill Hicks "did people go in and vote with their wallets again, or did that f*ckin old guy from the snooker game come along and take them out?"
So much for 'back-door' action from Michael Howard ay?. I'm so glad it's all over, hopefully the british press can get back to doing what they're good at; hounding celebrities and exposing sex-pests.

In da Scud - 04/05/05
You know the advice you get when you're going for an interview, 'picture the interviewer naked'? well [this] guy, who happens to be a fifer, took it a bit far.

Neil - 03/05/05
two hundred and fifty thousand pounds, not bad for a round of snooker ay? lovely jubbly, money for auld rope, like playing snooker with a bit of rope. Another dream, another mate fae kelty, not even a real mate, someone I half knew, may have played football with at some time, I can't be sure if he's still on my side, I give him the benefit of the doubt but fear his rejection, he's there, a familiar face in a crowd of total strangers, we could be in the highlands, it's certainly remote but i don't think so, the air's thick with dread, feels more like the falklands, a worthless political staging post, a wasteland, a shithole, he's there, I make a beeline for the familiar, he's not the guy I remember, he's had it tough, I tell him to "gerrit thegither" but have no idea what he's been dealing with, he tells me to "fuck off'" he's drinking, I want to help him but he warns me he'll take me down with him. I take his advice, back off, realising I am on my own again, everything I thought I knew is not the same. A week from now, I'll be a year older.

Fooji Beets - 29/04/05
I watched a pre-election special edition of Question Time last night,with the 3 leaders of the main parties [Tony brought the pizza]. There's no doubt about it, there definitely is something 'of the night' about Michael Howard, he is one creepy f*cker, Tony is looking more and more haggard by the day but ye cannae say he doesnae hold his ground on issues, this is the problem in my mind. Kennedy speaks with a lot of sense and out o' the top 3 I reckon the Lib Dems are more votable. I have resigned myself to the fact that Labour will win, ultimately people fear change. Voters are more concerned about paying higher taxes than environmental issues or the event of War. Personally, I wouldn't mind paying higher tax if we got some decent services back in return. Oanywye, I'm getting sick to the teeth of hearing nothing but 'politics' these days, so I won't bore ye with my far-left-fife-wid-tink take on it...
We didnae manage to get tickets for the Hayseed gig last week, it was our own fault really in leaving it till the day of the gig to look for tix. I am looking forward to tonight tho, I is meetin me bee-ach after work, we're off for a slap-up something or other, we might even end up [dancing]
You want to know what time it is? but in style? clock [this]
Hae a braw weekend sha hoorz yez!

Yee Haw! - 20/04/05
With a bit o' luck I'll be able to snap up last-minute tickets for Hayseed Dixie's gig tonight in Drummond's café. Check oot their version of Motorhead's Ace of Spades [here]. Quality!

Racialistik? - 19/04/05
wear the vest, take the [test] play football like George best.

Scheiße - 18/04/05
Ended up at a party on Friday night where some German shizer shvallied the best part of a bottle of mead I brought back from Holy Island, 2 weeks ago, what a b*st*rd!. I watched 2 movies this holiday weekend; Midnight Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman and Jon Voigt which was absolutely brilliant, I havenae seen either o' these boys in better films. I also went and saw Downfall, which isnae as good as it's cracked up to be, interesting but it's far too long and a bit wooden, will till you see the 'deaths' acted out by the Goebbels bairns ... I dunno what was worse, the fact that their maw fed them cyanide in their sleep or their acting!!! they should be ashamed of themselves.
That's right I did say "holiday" weekend, one of 3 Aberdeen local holidays, aye they're no only tight wi the cash up here [which is rich comin fae a fifer] but they're tight wi their holidays an' all.
Another 100 greatest... on channel 4 on Sunday. Anyone else getting sick of these programmes? "aw, we've got this sunday's telly schedule wi a gaping 4 hour gap in it, what are we gonnae dae?" "Aw just do another 100 greatest... Programme, that'll keep the docile masses tranced long enough".
I must say I would be [for] revising the current voting system, drawing a big cross onto a bit of paper, sticking it into a metal box in the local church hall, seems a touch on the midieval side, wouldn't you say?

Deluded - 18/04/05
you must visit [this] website.

Homeo - 10/04/05
We got home from our legendary road-trip round North-Eastern Britain on Friday, which turned out to be more of a religious site tour than anything else [not by any intention] - the Roslynn chapel for instance was interesting to revisit after reading the Da Vinci Code. It's an interesting gaff, the b*stards were milking it though with a £6 entry fee! and shelves upon shelves of the book itself. All the photos are at my holiday snappage site [here]. There's a new vid below also, I took the guitar with us as there was many an opportunity to jam but as you'll see the instrument comes to a violent end, all that practicing hasnae paid off with mistakes ruining live performances. It's wierd, it wasn't until thursday that I really started to relax, I could feel myself just starting to get comfy with 'life on the road' as we met up with friends in edinburgh, which happened to be the penultimate stop on our trip. It took a few days till i stopped dreaming in Quark Xpress too. I can honestly say that now, I am feeling refreshed and inspired, I just wonder how long that'll last.
I've been encouraged to "get down" some tunes I've had kicking around after a brief reunion of hamper [a band I was in at art school] with a bit of luck I'll manage to finish off some recordings and add a 'listening post' to this site...watch this space oan that yin!
There was no escape from the 'top stories' when we were on the move like the Pope finally 'kicking it' there was also 'Charles and Camilla's wedding' and 'Labour ahead in polls' with the tories snapping at their heels, All equally as sickening. I hate the way the media gives presidence to only labour and the tories, it's daft really when there is so little difference between the two. It's almost as if any other party that may take an even slightly different stance on some issues is considered too radical. The schoolboy slagging matches were put on hold out of respect for the dead, I wonder if they'd consider putting them on hold out of respect for the living?

Flying is falling - 31/03/05
You still think the world is FLAT? You are right! staying skeptic makes some people a F o r t u n e. It's "us" and "them" my friend, to the end and it's this that we must defend. the prevailing attitude is one of greed and the ability to do whatever it takes to survive, Christmas Island crabs are land lubbers, they have lungs not gills unlike their sea-dwelling cousins, 1 million of them perish on the roads, under the wheels of cars during their annual mission to the ocean and 1 third of those who survive drown whilst ensuring the safe deposit of eggs. Every living organism is driven by an instinct, it's how we go about following that instinct that separates us from the animal kingdom. F*ck it! turn a blind eye, keep yer heid doon, keep yer mouth shut and get oan wi yer work! you have ends to make meet.
I'm off on holiday next week, I can't wait, I'm not going anywhere inparticular. I liken working at the moment to having one's head held in a vice, that's on a good day. This'll be a nice wee 'break', we're off on a road-trip that may take us here, may take us there but wherever we'll go; you can't rest assure we'll be cutting loose, strings will be strummed and we'll catch a bleary glimpse of the life that should have been be a festival of abandonment. There's a voice that keeps on calling me, down the road that's where I'll always be...

Fanny - 30/03/05
A big thanks to Scott for bringing back some [fanny] for me from his recent trip to Thailand. I'm so chuffed, I now have something to go with the [spunk] I got in Denmark a couple o' years back.

Decoded - 30/03/05
I finished off the Da Vinci Code, the ending was a tad on the boring side after the revelation rollercoaster that was the rest of the book, however there's a final surprise for french babe baguette Sophie. I got very sick, very quickly of all the hype it's been getting and it's 'controversy' as portrayed by the media, particularly the coverage of the Catholic Church speaking out against it, telling ye no to read it's shameless [lies] [it's a Novel mate, you'll find it in the "fiction" section] the funny thing is, that is exactly what the book reckons the catholic church has been doing for centuries anyway. On that alone, you should read it if ye havenae already.
New book on the go: Another Bullshit Night in Suck City it's not one for kids burrit is drunken, it is bitter and it is beautifully written.

Down but Not Out - 25/03/05
This site will be down for a couple o' days this week. This is due to a change in host servers. I know, I know, how else are you going to wile away those precious few seconds you usually spend scrolling up and down the unchecked self indulgence that is PttP? well, ye can start by going [here]

Skarbakka ya Bassa - 15/03/05
I read about this guys work at the weekend and have been trying like mad to remember what his website address is, at last I found [it] check the struggle to right oneself series in this guy's portfolio, they're of the shit-hot variety - I hope you'll agree. After reading his statement of practice I was just a tad disappointed to read that he uses harnesses [and probably a fair bit of photoshop] I suppose the message he's trying to get across stays the same and anyway, if he didn't I don't think he'd be around long enough to build up much of a portfolio.

Shockaroonie - 15/03/05
I think I'm experiencing mild post-incident trauma. I was knocked off my bike this morning, this blind f*cker in a white network-rail van didnae see me in the train station car park and collided with me side on, I had no idea what was happening and before I knew it I was rolling about on the car park floor with my bike spinning out in front of me. he wasn't going fast enough to cause any major damage, I'm a bit mucky but everything else is in one peice. The driver stopped and got out his van as I unleashed a barrage of 'blind c*nt' outbursts in his direction, that he took quite well, he apoligised profusely as I noted down his reg. no [KN53 TCZ] I have reported it to the feds but I doubt much can be done, he was at fault no doubt about it but the real f*ckers here are the train authorities. You would assume that train stations would be "pedestrian friendly" (if there is such a thing in this country) there are no markings or signs to indicate where you can and cannot drive as for cyclists; forget it! this is the UK after all and cyclists are merely a hinderance to other road users, so I probably deserved it. And what am I going to do about that? F*ck All!

Oh Snow It Isnae- 14/03/05
Hooray! it's spring time. Naw it's no, it's winter. Just kidding, spring has well and truly arrived. Aw Naw it hasnae, it's winter. Surprise! it's really the spring. Naw! F*ck You! it will be winter, death to your hopes and dreams!!
I really wish the weather would make up it's mind.

Priorities Ay? - 09/03/05
A lot of responsibility should come for a town with the tag 'Oil Capital of Europe' but the 'authorities' in Aberdeen are far more interested in potential for industry rather than human potential. It doesnae surprise me when [this twat] does a 'tony' by ignoring the cries for help from the people that put him into his position of power and goes along with plans for so called 'progress'. A bypass is to be