Bob in a Box - 30/12/04
it took weeks of planning and lying, more to the point to keep the surprise from our auld mither. We were'nt sure if her heart was up to it either but the surprise worked oot a treat. Euan and I sneaked in a large box containing our big Bro [who flew in from Canada] to give our maw an early christmas present. She took it well, the vid

Last Day - 22/12/04
Last day at work today, things are winding down a treat. We're wondering if we'll get away at lunchtime today or if we'll have to slog it out till 5pm, doing the ebay treasure hunt. Smeg fridge today too.

Sorted - 22/12/04
For you PC users that have been having problems with the 2 quicktime vids below [namely: 'M90' & 'Highly unlikely event'] the problem has been solved, I got a neat bit of code today that allows quicktime to roll on all platforms. About time too! Sound is important so stick yer volume up!

I'm ace - 21/12/04
It's official, here's the

So F*ck! - 20/12/04
SO FUCK!! ! what does it matter if he didnae actually sign the letters, big fuckin deal man. What the fuck does a letter mean anyway? do you think the relatives are gonnae be grateful for a letter wether it's been signed or not? it's a fuckin insult. they'd be better sending round a piece of paper with two words: FUCK YOU! because that is actually how they feel. Bush hasn't been to one serviceman's funeral, not one! the fact that he has personally signed the letters himself shows that he has nothing to do all day but practice his autograph. Big f*ckin deal!! I wish the press would get their priorities right and concentrate on real issues, they are just as bad as the politicians themselves. Everbody's a bastard !

Night Oot - 17/12/04
It's the work's christmas party tonight, it should be entertaining, there's always someb'dy that has too much to drink and goes too far making a complete arse of themselve, shouting, fighting, crying and forgetting about every aspect of the ghastly nightmare. Hopefully this year I'll drink sensibly.

Lame Ass - 17/12/04
backdating Diary entries so it looks like you're updating frequently is Lame.

Told you, I did - 16/12/04
What this is going on about, I have no idea. Good Saxon-English I have always spoken. I'm scottish, even though. Up ye! get it.

Poor Show - 15/12/04
Lack of updates recently ay? well I have been too busy at work which manages to rob me of any enthusiasm for this p*sh when everybody wants everything 'yesterday' and preferably before christmas. Oh the old 'yesterday' line. "When do you need this, sir?" "Yesterday" woo hoo hoo! that 'yesterday' chestnutt, again! ha ha, "like how urgent is it madam?" "it's so urgent, I need you to go back in time and deliver it well before this discussion even happens" f-nar, f-nar "I'm so disorganised, I hand you a pile of shit and expect you to come up with something mindblowing immediately" arf, arf, arf! " If i hear that 'yesterday' gag again before christmas, there will be murder.

Baffies, Again - 07/11/04
well, that big snow-covered, good-willed-mutherf*cker is almost upon us and advertisers are going all-out playing the guilt-card with 'show them how much you care' campaigns barking at you from every orifice. What are we like ay? is buying a really expensive gift for someone you care for, the only true way of displaying that you do just that? I dinnae think so, it shouldnae be like that, it should be more like this. Retailers all over britain are sh*ttin' themselves cos we're not spending enough cash in advance of Chrimbo. It's empty shit man! as far as I'm concerned there are two good things about Chrimbo; people genuinely get together and it's the only time of the year when it's socially acceptable to live like an alcoholic, think about it! even yer tea-total Auntie gets in the tins and she's offering ye them at lunchtime ! Bring it on baby, bring it on.

Spit Roasted Chick - 07/11/04
makes you think this, doesn't it? Nae laughs noo, I worked in a chicken hatchery for a summer job when I was a studious type. I've witnessed real cruelty first hand and it's far fae finger licking good, the profits might be for the Colonel but the conditions aren't.

One Sick Puppy - 25/11/04
Was off work yesterday and spent the whole day in bed and/or on couch. 10 minutes of Des and Mel later I was reaching for the razor blades. Feeling better today though, not quite 100% but better than a fit up the arse!

Bloc Party - 23/11/04
So I tuned intae Jools on friday night and yip! interpol went down a storm and I have to admit it but I even thought Keane were awright. For me the best on the night had to be Bloc Party, this is the first time I've heard of these chaps and I was instantly impressed. Fast, layered, melodic, experimental - 'twas a little bit ska, a little bit raaa!
all the right ingredients for something very promising, cannae wait till their album's oot.

Big Gay School - 19/11/04
I remember when I was at school, this guy who went to a neighbouring school said, " heh, yoo! aw the folk that go tae yoor school are queer!". Maybe he got me mixed up with someone else who went to a 'different' school. Young Man!

Interpol - 16/11/04
one of me favourite bands of the moment are putting in an appearance on later with Jools this friday, no it's not Keane - frankly they can stick their money-printing middle-of-the-road formula right up their powdered arses - they make Coldplay look like Sepultura fir f*ck sake! It is infact the magnificent Interpol. do me a favour; set yer VCR for BBC2 @ 11:35 pm friday 19th Novemember. Oh-so-Moody-Arty guitar-rock, with a distinct British 80's twang and vocals often compared to Joy Division but i reckon more Psychedelic furs. Quality!

List - 16/11/04
today I made a list

Nae butts pit it oot! - 11/11/04
it's a tricky one this int it? as much as I dislike being in a smokey atmosphere, especially when I'm eating, if you're in a boozer with good enough air-con then there's nothing much to worry about. I'm totally confused by the messages the government are sending out: they are so concerned with our health that they sell the very things that shorten lives and make an enormous profit from it. How will they cope when everybody quits? tax the f*ck out of anything else that gives us the slightest bit of relief from our dull lives that's what! sure, smokin is bad for your health but so is alcohol!! and that's legal and by making boozers, smoke-free zones, boozers become more attractive for the health conscious. It's one big nanny-f*cking-state is what it is. And anyway, smoking looks cool.

Ta Ta Tommy - 11/11/04
I send in stuff all the time to the 'have your say' team but they have never published any of my comments until now baby! - 23rd message down.

Ignorant incest is bliss - 11/11/04
Oldboy was absolutely mind blowing by the way, screwed-up japanese dark sh*t peppered with funny bits that makes ye wonder if ye really should be laughing at all. For those that arenae gonnae see it, here's my overview: this japanese guy [Oldboy] that's been locked up for 15 years, escapes and attempts to find the chumps that locked him up and more importantly: why? along the way he falls for this young lass. he eventually gets to the guy who locked him up, beats the f*ck out of loads of folk along the way in quality style [none of this ott Jackie Chan guff] he discovers that the guy responsible is a guy he went to school with who was in love with his own sister, infact he even porked her. but his sister died in a 'kind of' suicide after oldboy started vicious rumours about her being 'up the duff' thanks to her bro. Oldboy, finds out that his whole imprisonment thing was part of an elaborate plan to keep him away while his own daughter grew up, till she was 15. The baddy had previously hypnotised Oldboy and his daughter and makes them fall in love with each other and he ends up porkin her. Oldboy is sickened by the whole thing and begs for forgiveness for 'talking too much' all those years ago. Oldboy then cuts off his own tongue since that was the thing that started the whole ghastly affair. He then gets hypnotised so that he forgets that his bird is actually his daughter, they run off into the snow and live happily everafter. The End.
An emotional rollercoaster to say the least, one that's ultimately disturbing.

United States of Ammo - 10/11/04
Saw this: " According to US estimates, hundreds of rebels were killed on Wednesday alone and at least one more marine died." I heard an interesting statistic this morning: for every 1 bullet that the terrorists use, the Americans return 500 rounds. Amazing ay? interesting use of the word 'terrorist'. Thank god we have defenders of freedom killing terrorists in their own homes. Or we'd be faced with a series of 9/11 style attacks. Phew! thanks!

Hippy Barfday - 08/11/04
It's my special lady's today. Aw the best darlin' I know ye dinnae do this interweb thing much but if you should see this afore something less complicated comes oot then have a ball! x .quality bicep by the way

Gettin' old boy - 08/11/04
takin my lass to see [old boy] tonight, oh aye I know how to treat a lady! [on her birthday] Hey! I took her to see Nick Cave on Friday, that would be like taking me to see PJ Harvey. What more does she want?

Deader than tank-tops - 05/11/04
Guy Fawkes it is then. Time to celebrate a failed attempt at blowing up parliament and aw the knobs in it, surin it would have been a real celebration if he did manage to do it and got away with it. So, wherever you are, have a good one! I'm off to see Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds tonight at Glasgow Academy, should be nice 'n miserable. For anyone who's not familiar with NC&TBS then think of something, somewhere between Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits, multiply by 666 and you're almost there.
By the way, Go and see Dead Man's Shoes - what a film! there's a twist in this that will put the sixth sense at a poor 'second sense' - except, now that you know there's a twist, you'll probably work it oot fae the start. It's a gritty tale of stealth-terror-commando-revenge-action putting the sh*ts up some petty crim's, based in a small town in the yorkshire dales. anybody that has grown up in a small town [like yours truly] will relate to a lot of the day-to-day 'everybody knowing everybody's business' and there being absolutely nothing to do which can often lead to badness being inflicted on weaker individuals. Not a heart-warming story by any means but totally gripping!

Big Bushy Baw Bag - 03/11/04
Well that'll be that then, what a waste of time and money! America ay? what a place, if the people think Bush is 'leader material' then best o' luck to them - they deserve him!

America is not the world - 01/11/04
I don't think we can trust the American people to choose the right man for the job, I mean George Bush has already been elected once before. Sure, we shouldn't be poking our noses in but with Super-Power comes Super-Responsibility and the whole world is affected as a consequence. I believe the world is far more dangerous place thanks to American-aggression which filters into aw sorts especially it's corporate philosophy. They havenae just f*cked it up for themselves, they've f*cked it up for awb'dy. Whatever happens tomorrow, one thing we can all rely on is that the U.S of A will get what it deserves, the sad thing is when the place implodes, i reckon it will take us all with it.

We've been unpeeled - 26/10/04
I can't believe the news today - John Peel is dead - it even sounds wrong. Can you honestly think of any other DJ in the UK who truly says what he thinks and plays stuff because he genuinely wants to and not because his fat wage-packet depends on it? me neither. John Peel was the original and the best. It's a sad day for music, a sad day for radio and a sad day for anyone who appreciates originality over the naked pursuit for profit!

'Short' of a picnic - 25/10/04
Now you can believe what you want but I received an email from the Rt Hon Clare Short MP today, regarding the two term tony website, Naw! honestly I tell ye no fibs! her exact words were and I quote: "If Only!"

Outstanding - 20/10/04
It's music jim but not as we know it. Check [this]

Two Term Tony - 18/10/04
Whatever way you swing, you can't say no to a [free stencil] - a wee side project that is awready getting loads of interest. Download the stencil, buy a badge or two, make a t-shirt, spread the word.......erm etc.

Death to Portlethen - 18/10/04
After not a lot of investigating I have discovered that there is an abattoir in [Portlethen] this may explain the stench of death.

Portlethen Stinks - 18/10/04
Naw but it really does stink! every morning on the way to work, we pass Portlethen and every morning at the same time the car fills up with a repulsive odour. I was suspecting the lass that I car-share with for 'dropping one' at the same point in the journey, everday. After many mornings of the same it was obvious that this was not a coincidence, wether the sewers are permenantly 'gone' there or if something in the industrial estate has passed it's sell-by-date or wether Portlethen itself just stinks I don't know, what I do know is that it's mingin and it's out of order!

Anything?At All? - 14/10/04
I got an e-mail today with this at the end: "Please don't hesitate to call if there is anything at all that you need." I was thinking that that is an incredibly generous offer to make someone you have never met face to face, really? anything? at all? I was also thinking that my Mum would really appreciate one of those things that wakes ye up in the morning and makes a cup of tea. I wonder if he could get me one o' those. I could save it and give it to her at Chrimbo, I would have to try it out, make sure it works and that.

Mind over Moldova - 14/10/04
Yes we're sh*te but i will not stand for donkeys like Doggie Dounnelly sitting on a couch, in a TV studio in Cowcaddens, saying that there's not much any manager can do with the distinct lack of quality football players available in Scotland. I have been following Scotland since Mexico '86 and in my opinion since then there has hardly been a better pool of players to choose from. Take Pearson, Fletcher, McFadden, Ferguson for example; what these boys may lack on an international level is experience this is due to the fact that they've been in a team that has qualified for f*ck all! the most important thing these boys lack is confidence, as soon as they put on the national shirt they seem to forget how well they can actually play.This is where a good manager would drum up a bit of belief in the boys, make them focus and play out of their skins. Berti has got to go, I'm pissed aff he didnae go sooner, if another manager had stepped in he may have had a chance to make a difference but now is too late. i am all behind a coach who can genuinely get behind the team and light a fire under each of their arses! I personally would play like Maradonna if someb'dy like Gordon Strachan was ballin' at me.

Orwell on Earth - 13/10/04
I am fascinated by the potential of the interweb, it is anarchy in it's purest sense, you can access information on anything you can think of. I must admit I had a look for those beheading videos, they were not difficult to find and I will admit I watched a couple of them, it was utterly disturbing but deep down I think it is important for us to witness them. these acts are in opposition to American world domination - am I getting carried away here? well, check: [this] - by far the most disturbing website i have ever seen and vastly more disturbing than any beheading video. You got it right folks, America intends to enslave us all into one global market, they're not trying to cover it up either. read and weep for real. So, anyone for a pepsi?

Mondaymungous Mate - 11/10/04
Make the most of your Monday Man! I've just had a cracking day, really productive and it's very rare but today I can say I've had a satisfying day at work. It's mental! even though I work as a designer, my main tasks are problem solving, I get a brief - it's a problem, working at it through to getting the first proof oot is an attempt to solve that problem. It might come back with alterations/request to 'start again' whatever happens it's another problem that needs a solvin'. Eventually, I'll get it right and once in a blue moon I'll get it right first time - Problem Solved! the A team - they were problem solvers, that's if you had the fortune of findin' thum! that's maybe why they were soldiers of 'fortune' cos you had to be really fortunate to find thum.

Kirsty Baby - 07/10/04
Do a Google image search for that posh bird Kirsty Allsopp fae Channel 4's Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation and see what you [get] so what's that aw aboot then?

Welcome Back? - 04/10/04
Damn those miserable Monday morning blues - the end of another destructive weekend and the start of another week, it's like looking up at a mountain - the week being the mountain - the valley at the other side being Friday at 5pm and to use the words of the profound George W Bush, ' that valley is the valley of peace'. It's pissin doon - great to be back in Scotland. Aye awright, there has been slim pickings in the way of updates since I got back [over two weeks ago] but quite frankly, it's been too early to reflect on a 2 week widtink tour o' the wilderness. I will say this tho, we travelled a great distance to get there, the whole time we were there, we were travelling around and must have clocked up over 1000 km, in Canada itself. That sounds like a long way on paper but on a map of Canada, that looks a bit like f*ck all!. So [here] are all o' the photos. These are Bob's, Ward's and my photies and please be warned! there is quite a considerable amount of nonsense captured herein.

Back in 2 - 1/09/04
It has taken it's to come roond and yet it crept up on me near the end; I'm offski on holiday from tomorrow, Gone for 2 weeks to Canada. It's bad news I know; no more highly informative updates, no more heart stoppingly funny anecdotes of grumps about the weather. You'll just have to find some other pointless website to spend your time surfing. Don't worry I'll be back in twa weeks, recharged, creatively invigorated and will have many a tale to tell, back to the relentless grey of the day to day grind. Until then, keep it real!

90 Second Chilli - 31/08/04
3 peppers; one for the colour of the sun; one for the colour of the land; one for the colour of the blood that was shed; chop 'em up, chop 1 large ingin, fry in oil with chopped garlic and ginger; add yer beef; brown it, adding a dash of balsamic vinegar and a teaspoon of sugar, add yer chopped pepper; stir for another few minutes; now add a heaped tablespoon of chilli powder, a level tablespoon of ground cumin; stir it all right in. After a few minutes add 2 tins of chopped tomaties, yer kidney beans and anyhing else that's lying around, stir it all the gither, stick a lid on, lower the heat and simmer for 20-30mins. For the Nachos; chop a few tortillas into segments and deep-fry until golden broon. Stick some in a bowl then dig in!

Confused - 25/08/04
from today's Independent's website: "Two Russian airliners crashed to earth almost simultaneously, killing all 89 people aboard and raising concerns of a terrorist strike. One of the jets sent a distress signal that may have indicated a hijacking, officials said today."
from today's BBC News website: "No signs of terrorist acts or explosions have been found"
C'moan guys, it's make yer mind up time!

Aff the Rails - 24/08/04
It was Thom Yorke fae Radioheed that said, "there is nothing more depressing than waiting on a bus" I reckon he was in the right baw park wi that yin but I reckon waiting on a train is far more depressing, I implore you, when standing at the platfrom afore yer next train trip; have a good look at the tracks, it's then that you'll realise why they put they, "dinnae use the toilet when the train is stationary" signs in trains. I suppose when you've gottae go; you've gottae go and a lot of folk clearly have awready went!

Blasted - 23/08/04
Yet another opportunity to recuperate over the weekend is ruined by drink. It's crazy, I have to scrape mysel' ootae bed every weekday mornin' and would give teeth to spend another hour or 2 in bed. The weekend comes along and here's my golden opportunity to catch up on sleep but Naw! I was at a party on Saturday night there, didnae get home till 5am. I am stll trying to cope with the two-day hangover thing. Also, I must have passively smoked about 60 tabs on Saturday night, a cheap night depending on how ye look at it.

Ha Haar! again! - 13/08/04
Fame atlast! and fir what!? - moanin' aboot the weather - check picture 3 0f 12 [here]

Ha Haar! - 10/08/04
It's official, this has been the worst Scottish summer ever. It's August noo and so far it has been like since the end of July. The average year: 6 Months of p*sh weather, followed by Winter. Today Matthew, I have had nothing better to moan about than the weather.

Pervert - 08/08/04
I went to see the Movie [Natalie] yesterday, I felt like a total perv, I knew full well this was going to be an erotique French movie but when I walked into the cinema there was only one other guy there, sitting on his own in a 150 seater screen! I was gonnae sit right next to him and freak him out but I refrained. Funny really, there wasnae much nudity throughout the movie, there was only a suggestion of sex here and there, the majority of the 'sex' was delivered through detailed descriptions. Here's my interpretation of the story: This french wifey suspects that her husband is doing 'the dirty' on her, so she hires this prostitute to temp her husband to see if her suspicions are justified [an interesting method]. We are lead to believe that her husband [who is played by that Depardieu chap] takes the bait and does do 'the dirty', He denies it is happening but she [his wife] believes it is and that he's a lying c*nt aswell as a cheating c*nt. In the end it turns out that the whore is making the whole thing up and ripping her off but it doesnae matter 'cause the wifey [being an open minded frenchy bird] can appreciate that the whore is making money without having to sell her body to the night and besides; her husband isnae cheating on her after all, so they get 'it' back together and live happily ever after, The End.

Uncanny - 07/08/04
My cousin looks incredibley like that spiderman guy, wouldn't you say?

Horrorday Carrotski - 05/08/04
Spotted [this chap] in Safeway on Union Street yesterday, he was doing what I was doing; getting in a loaf. I also saw that Calderwood chap, the new coach o' AFC headin up fae near the train station towards Ingin stracht, he was wearing Adidas Samba trainers among other things, i saw them and thought; Quality, an auld skool fitballer! maybe the Dons are gonnae be turnt aroond good and proper this season.

Eye of the Spider - 30/07/04
I sh*t you not, no camera trickery invloved here, is a genuine photograph of a spider with 'red eye'. This monster was sitting on the cistern the other night in my bathroom, I spotted him when I was brushing my teeth, got the fright of my life let me tell ye, it took me half an hour to find a mug big enough to get rid of him an' aw. So a warning to other spiders: Dinnae come near my hoose, I'll take a photo of ye, put it on the internet, then throw ye oot!

Victor's oot! - 23/07/04
Big Vic is oot o' the hoose, that's it noo, the show's gonnae be pish. he was by far the most creative and entertaining house mate in Big Bro. I crack up at the stuff he comes oot wi. Only a mothering bufty, a transvestite, a sickening couple, a moanin scot and a posh bint left - what a party that'll be!

Farenheit 9/11 - 22/07/04
Quality! go and see it

Sick tae the Teeth - 19/07/04
Right! that's it. I'm sick of this website - I am busy as f*ck at work but this will not do. Will have an all new look soon, am tellin ye

Scot Free - 16/07/04
Amazing! totally amazing wouldn't you say? yet another enquiry results in the government getting off Scot free. The verdict: Yes, pre war intelligence WAS flawed and who is to blame for this? NAEB'DY! It's quite something that in a month when a Chief of Police is held accountable for failures over a particular case and forced out of his job by the government and yet absolutely F*CK ALL! happens when the same government is proven to have taken it's country to War on a False premise. I apologise for getting all political, I respect every individual's right to believe in what they like but I just don't understand anymore, who the f*ck votes for these arseholes? If I had any faith left in the system, it has gone now for good.

T in the Park - 14/07/04
Had a great time! the bands were magic [here's some photies], the campin was rough as f*ck and to top it all off, when I got back to my tent on the sunday evening I discovered that any even slightly valuable contents had been snaffled. Weegy Neds - scum o' the f*ckin earth. If I had caught them in the act there would have been murder.

Mine's is a Prickly Pear - 29/06/04
On the contrary, I would say [this] does give the green light to drink large amounts of alcohol without worrying about the after-effects.

Ya Ha Hoaliday ! - 17/06/04
I was starting to accept that a drizzly weekend in Balado was gonnae be as much of a holiday as i was to expect this year but as luck would have it i've managed to fluke a bargain basement ticket tae Calgary, Canada. 2nd Sep baby bring it right on!. If I only I could how long i've got to go.

Cawed oot by Claude - 14/06/04
Ye would think it was Van Damme season on Channel 5 or something. Blood Sport was on last night - I was blown away at the level of intensity Jean Claude brings to his character, it's unwavering, he goes to great lengths to make sure that we understand the forces that drive him, masterful! yet more evidence that cocaine makes you a genuis

They're Going Home - 14/06/04
" We were very unlucky but I am hopeful that we will meet France [in the final] on 4 July and I don't think we would have bad luck twice." - Michael Owen, following England's defeat in their opening game of Euro 2004. It's quite a phenomenon the english optimism. In scotland for example, football fans accept that the national side is pish and get on wi it. The English, for some reason cannot accept that they are pish.

Surprise! - 09/06/04
Was at a blinding party on Saturday there, it was a surprise party for a mate; Marko, organised by his special lady-friend doon in Edinburgh. I've never been to a surprise party before so it'll be one to remember, if only I could remember anything abourrit. Managed to get footage of the c*nt filling his drawers, here's to you

Nane! - 02/05/04

Double Impact - 28/05/04
9pm, Channel 5 tonight: twin brothers, separated as infants reunite to seek revenge on their parents killers. Thrilling Martial arts escapade starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Jean Claude Van Damme and some other actors.

Drinkin on a School Night - 19/05/04
Dinnae do it kids, you're stronger than that - Just say No!

Stovies for Dovies - 18/05/04
half an hour lunch break for me, it's no ideal when ye like takin time oot as much as i do but what can i do? i work in a windowless building in an industrial estate, the nearest grub emporium is the burger van that sits roond the corner, the no bad once in a while, ye really cannae be eating that sortae hing when ye sit on yer arse aw day, there's always the petrol garage doon the road but quite frankly the thought of the jelly on the Ginster's pork pies gee me the dry boak. I make and bring in my ain sarnies for lunch and sit and have them infront of the Mac, I find myself feeling guilty for browsing non-work related websites and am often lured into eating and working but today I took a stand, my lunch break commenced at 12:36pm and finished at 1:06pm. that's it!

Dugs Die in Hot Cars - 14/05/04
It's sad but true kids - a statement we should all take heed of, it is also the name of a rather interesting band fae St Andrews, saw them last night at the Lemon Tree [thursday is a school night, I was tired so I required a shot of Jaigermeister to keep on top] the gig was pretty good, out of the two support bands one is worth mentioning: Gisli a Norwegian/Icelandic band - dunno how I would describe these guys; post rip-shock tit-rock for all those pigeon-holers oot there, they were rocky, he rapped a bit, there was an obvious country twang in a couple of their numbers, I would compare them to Green Day without any annoying elements, so nothing like Green Day then?

Back to the headliners; the Dugs; Their sound is pretty unique, they were compared with Talking heads in the paper at the weekend, not knowing talking heads that well i can't say I agree or disagree, I'd describe their sound as a bit rocky, a bit ska, definitely a bit 80s-something or other, the singer did however sing slightly like the vocalist from Dexy's Midnight Runners and a wee bit like the infinitely talented Howard Jones, he was rapid enough in his delivery of lyrics for anyone to notice, guid tunes! I liked Man bites Man, cannae mind the name of any others, they could be called anything and probably are. Dug owners should always roll the windae doon a bit!

T in the Park - 11/05/04
Decided to go this year, I got my tickets today, Bring it right on!

Triple Burfday Bonanza - 10/05/04
not only is it my birthday today but it's also Bruce's and it was Anne's yesterday, so like the bunch of economists that we are, we celebrated all three on Saturday 8th, the shenanigans kicked off at Bruce's, there was plenty of sort of things going on we hit the toon efterwards which only led to severe memory loss and dancing apparently. By the way, any belated greetings/cards/presents are appreciated, be sure to send me an email via the post-it note contact link and I'll pass on postage details and letter-box dimensions, thanks in advance.

Jondoms - 29/04/04
I was shocked, stunned and startled at the discovery of at my local supermarché. I bought 'em anyway, tried them oot and I can confirm that these are by far the easiest to blow up and pull over your heed.

Uncle Quent - 26/04/04
Saw Kill Bill 2 at the weekend there it was very good and miles better than the first installment but let's make no mistake, it's a movie that on many levels will appeal to film geeks. Tarantino has stuffed the film full of references to a heap of obscure spaghetti westerns and kung fu movies, the majority of which I just havenae seen or havenae watched enough times to get aw the 'in' jokes. That's not to say Kill Bill isnae accessible to the rest of us, in it's own right I thought it was a cracker and very charming like any Tarantino escapade, oozing with brilliant characters Uma thurman is exemplary and in my humble opinion never looked so good [I particularly like the leather jacket/long skirt combination] David Carradine [Bill] is even better - an outstanding bit of casting. It's one of those occasions when you wonder how much of 'him' exists within the character, makes you think if Tarantino wrote the part for him, around him. Guid Yin!

Gin Victory - 12/04/04
Terrible, I know, I haven't made any updates for almost a whole month! I feel bad, I feel like a bad Dad, a bad Dad who's been neglecting his son, prefering the gin over the lad. A bad Dad who's conscience taunts him with incredibly lucid hallucinations of the boy, who is now a man, a stronger man than he's ever been and no thanks to him. The lad's looking right at him and through him as if he's some sort of stranger, all he wants to do is say sorry but the words won't come, the flimsy, empty words would be a pitiful insult to his intelligence, it's too late.
Thankfully it's no that bad, it's just a website, a website that I'd rather put something amusing or cool on rather than fill it up on a daily basis with complete shite. Please bear with me as I struggle to find time these days for self indulgence.

Chocky Blocky- 17/03/04
It's been a while I know, over two weeks since the last update but I've been silly-busy, besides which there are more urgent matters to be addressed - George was a hippo, Bungle was a bear, what the f*ck was Zippy? another hing; Bungle put jammies on before he went to bed, does that mean he was walking about in the scud all the rest of the time? - yet another revelation from my childhood that dramatically alters my understanding of myself and the world around me.

Short 01 - 02/03/04
Check it oot, the first of the vids [bottom left] you'll need sound for this yin, the soundtrack is 'Segue' by James Orr Complex, a belting tune! The vid shows Marko and Myself playing snooker or supposedly playing snooker, you'll notice we never actually take a shot in this short.

Spring it On - 01/03/04
Indeed, the sun is oot today and the relentless snow that has plagued the 'deen for what feels like the last 6 months is gradually meltin away, I wasnae minding too much abourrit until this morning when I slipped on a patch of ice ootside Sizzlers on Justice Mill Lane, both of my legs went flying up into the air as my arse took the full force of the fall, my ipod [oh yeah I'm so with it] came flying out of my pocket and slapped on the concrete next to me, amazingly it continued to play on without so much as a jump. The worst thing aboot it was this chap a few yards behind me, wasnae laughing! I am perplexed as to why a chance of a laugh at someone else's misfortune had been passed up on, what is the world comin to? I dusted myself doon as the guy just walked on by, cool as a cucumber like, I cannae work it oot. Anyway, good riddance to the snur!

The weekend went in at a furious rate, I did manage to sit doon and watch a video: 'The happiness of the katakuris' .....totally and utterly bizarre! think Psycho-meets-Sound of Music-meets-Bansai-meets-any zombie movie you've seen, multiply it by 1000 and yer nowhere near it. There are a few ideas in the film that have been borrowed from other greats, like the rubbing the notepad trick from the Big Lebowski to gain an impression of what was on the previous page only to discover that a rude picture was drawn, also Goodfellas; they bury some dead bodies only to realise a few months later that the land is to be developed leaving them with the gruesome prospect of havin to dig 'em up and bury 'em elsewhere. There's some mad animations to illustrate particularly ridiculous parts of the story and there's intentionally bad dance arrangements accompanying the various musical numbers. If you're ready for a musical like no other, hire it! if you're not feeling adventurous, dinny bother. 7/10 for entertainment value, 10/10 for playing with my head.

Geezabrek - 26/02/04
I am tooooo busy this week for the usual twaddle will be back next week with vids and aw sorts, in the meantime fill yer boots!

What the? - 17/02/04
Aye awright, the site has changed a wee bit, I knocked up a cheeky wee auto-run disc for a job application and the interface I used was looking no so bad so I've adapted it for the site, it's good to enclose some of that white space!! the video has gone but it will be back soon with some pals. Watch oot for it!

Friday the 13th - 13/02/04
oooOOOoOoHHHHhh! it's Friday the 13th and as a non-superstitious kind of chap I would say "Friday the 13ths" should be celebrated, on my way to work this morning almost all of the traffic lights were green or going on green, now this never happens. Ok Ok I pre-empted a couple and whizzed through a 'green man' much to the distress of waiting drivers but as a cyclist I have rather a few issues with having to wait in a queue of toxin-belching automobiles that do not accomodate you on the road. As far as I'm concerned the 13th of February [wether it's a Friday or not] can only mean one thing; It's the big 14th the morra and I hope yous are all doing something or someone special . I am taking my special lady-friend out for a meal, we'll be 'going dutch' naturally.

Tuesday, Awready? - 10/02/04
A weekend of Epic proportions sizzled to an end yesterday with a hangover-busting breakfast. There was aw sorts of stuff going on, I even managed to fit in a few frames of snooker and a couple o' trips to the cinema. Shouts to Euan, Carrie, Stevie and Hazel and Marko for making it possible. We done our best to take care of the booze that was left over from last week's partyin but it just willnae go away. And as if the unbridled creativity of last weekend was not enough the balloons were oot again. I'll be glad to see the last few balloons go, we've all mastered the Poodle, the Snake but once you have done the particularly tricky Meat and Two Veg where can you go from there? Judo Expert Shags Poodle Again? naw! that yins impossible.

Pet Hates - 04/02/04
There's a few things that really tick me off during an average day; some reasonable; some bang out of order like Auld folk, sometimes I think Auld folk [and this usually applies to Auld grannies] should be banned from city centres at certain times of the day, at lunch times I go doon the street to one of a select few of sandwich bars and it's like running a triathlon to get there, Auld folk are the most unpredictable obstacles to negotiate, dottering aboot on the pavements all the time, taking ages to walk, taking up loads of room, they aw hing aboot the front of stores like BHS, the bakers, Littlewoods dinny even mention Marks & Spencer, what makes it worse is the apparatus they have like walking sticks, zimmer frames, brollies and they pull-along-bag-trolley things AAARRGGHHHH!!!. Another thing that bugs me: Smileys [:-)] what is this all about? it's like a method for geeks to show a little 'emotion' in emails since they canny actually do it in real life. Man! if I get another email with a smiley in it I'll......I'll....... do something I might regret.

Party Farty - 02/02/04
A few folk were round our gaff on Saturday night for a bit of a carry on. The crack was flying and the ale was foaming, there was nothing else for it but to get oot the modellin' balloons and the wee stick-on eyes that come with them. Surin' we know how to have a good time. here's some

Snow Bother - 29/01/04
I got a bit carried away with 'the view' here's 3 examples

All White For Some- 28/01/04
Despite being hit with snow it's business as usual. Nae day's-aff-due-to-the-weather here ye ken, bad yin!

All New Website - 27/01/04
A wee face lift for Power to the Pencil. Less of the pretence and more of the muckin' fessin' around. Check the port-pholy-hole section for a mixture of work I've done either for fun, at work or 'on the side'.

Sketchpad - 26/01/04
It's not big and it's not clever but the sketchpad [below] is worth havin' a blast on. Go on: Ye'll get the hang of it [it would be worth noting that if ye take yer pointer out of the drawing area it will return drawing a continuous line. To stop it doing this just click the mouse once - I've no idea how this occurs, it's some actionscript-bug that's beyond my limited diagnostic capabilities] send me a screenshot of what ye've done and I'll add them to I'm trying to get a hold of an mp3 of the theme tune from Tony Hart's Hart Beat to play in the gallery, a mate told me it was a tune from the Deerhunter Soundtrack. Surely No! [next he'll be telling me ex-Blue Peter presenter John Leslie is a violent sex-pest] anyone got any ideas? -about the tune!!

Fill Yer Boots - 25/01/04
I was walking doon Union Street today and overheard someone saying, "yer boots" I can only assume that this was preceded by the word "fill" the result; a great Aberdonianism of encouragement, not unlike Fife's 'Dad-on' are Glasgow's 'Wire-in' still confused? think: knock yourself out!